how violently alone I feel
by particularly good finder
Summary: "Kurt was a good actor; he could suppress his fear and pain and disgust. In fact, Kurt was so good at hiding his emotions no one noticed any change in their friend when Mr. Ryerson came back to McKinley."


**Hey everyone! Thank you so much for all the helpful ideas! Perfect for breaking my writer's block! More to come after this!**

**This one comes from the prompt from ****cinnamon-wolf-pup.**** Thank you!**

**Also, I love Sandy, so if you're a Sandy-fan like me, don't hate me for making him the bad guy, 'kay?**

**Review please!**

* * *

i.

**In the corner of a room**  
_In the shadows where I hide, from you_

Whoever this Rachel-fucking-Berry girl was, Kurt owed her his life.

(Of course, after meeting said heroine, the grateful boy would _never_ admit that to her face. Her ego didn't need that boost.)

Though she probably only turned Sandy Ryerson in to the school board because the obnoxious man insulted her pride or something, Rachel Berry had inadvertently cut off a perverted old man from his supply of pedophilia-victims.

Kurt knew he wasn't the first – the creep had been too practiced, too _knowing_ to be testing the waters with the small Hummel boy. No, Kurt was not the first.

But it's not like he could tell anyone this revelation. Or thank Rachel Berry. Or show his relief. But Kurt was a good actor. Like with his fear and pain and disgust, he could suppress his happiness.

In fact, Kurt was so good at hiding his emotions no one noticed any change in their friend when Mr. Ryerson came back to McKinley.

Nothing happened the first time – Sandy had been too busy yelling at Rachel and scheming with Coach Sylvester to realize Kurt was still as helpless as before. But the _second_ time? Oh, he just couldn't stay away.

Both men had changed; Kurt was stronger than before. He had friends in high (and scary) places, more muscle from football and Cheerios, and enough self-respect to keep a clear distance from his old tormentor (theoretically). But Sandy had grown stronger, too. He wasn't as weak and feeble as he appeared, mentally and physically. He had become more sadistic, crueler, and Kurt's newfound strength only made him hungrier for more. He _liked _watching the smaller boy struggle, enjoyed watching Kurt's sanity and pride tear away slowly.

Of all the people to see past his façade, Finn had been least expected. Surely his Dad or Mercedes or Quinn might've seen something was wrong eventually, but Finn? The boy who didn't realize Bady Drizzle wasn't his? Seriously?

In reality, it was a slip out of character on Kurt's part that led to Finn's discovery. After weeks and months of carefully, meticulously planning every move, every action, Kurt Hummel slipped up. Thinking he was alone in the boys' shared bedroom, Kurt pulled off his vest, then his (purposefully) long-sleeve shirt, then, without checking like he should, his undershirt.

"Dude! What _happened_ to you?" Kurt spun, heart racing, to find Finn standing at the bottom of the stairs, mouth gaping. The smaller boy crossed his arms, trying to conceal the bruises and scars as best he could.

"Oh, you know Coach. She runs us into the ground with her practices. Brittany's fallen on top of me from the middle of the pyramid one too many times."

Finn inspected his (almost) stepbrother as the thin boy stood half-naked in the middle of their room. Kurt curled in on himself, trying to hide away from the taller boy.

"You're lying."

When had Finn Hudson become so perceptive? Once again, Kurt's thoughts flashed back to Rachel-fucking-Berry. Stupid ex-girlfriend and her stupid influence.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, 'You're lying.' As in, I don't believe _all of that-_" he gestured towards Kurt's body. "-came from Sylvester being a slave-driver. Who did this to you?"

Kurt bit his lip. "It came from practice, Finn. I promise."

"Was it Karofsky and Azimio again? I thought they had lightened up ever since Santana threatened to castrate them!"

"I'm clumsy, Finn. Accidents happen."

"You're the most graceful person I know. Who?"

"And sometimes the girls like to teach me how to do flips and such-"

"_Who?_"

"Why does there have to be a who, Finn?"

"Because there's a hand-shaped bruise on your collar-bone."

ii.

**He likes the taste of blood****and he loves the way you love**  
_And that's just what he wants from you_

Kurt broke down.

"So what? Maybe Brittany grabbed me there, trying to break her fall? Maybe Santana caught me the wrong way after I did a flip? Maybe I _like_ it there? Just leave me _alone_!"

Finn moved across the room, trying to take Kurt's arm. "Chill out, man."

"NO! I won't just 'chill out!' You should chill out with Spanish Inquisition!"

"Kurt, bro, relax. You're scaring me."

"I don't care! I don't care! I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't-"

Finn enveloped the smaller boy in a hug, rubbing his back gently. Kurt held tight, choking on his own sobs.

"I don't care… I don't care…"

"Just tell me _who_. Please."

"M-M-Mr. Ry-y-yerson."

"Seriously?"

"I knew you'd laugh! Everybody's going to laugh at me! God, why did I tell you – you can't tell _anyone_, got it? God, I'm so pathetic, I can't believe I let it happen again and again and again-"

"Wait. You didn't try to stop Mr. Ryerson from beating you up? You could totally take him!"

"Finn, he didn't beat me up. He…"

"Yeah?"

"He…did _things_ to me."

Finn's knuckles turned white, as did his face. "That bastard-"

Kurt collapsed onto the floor, lips trembling, and suddenly all thoughts of killing the Head Arts Director blew from Finn's mind. He scooped his friend into his arms, holding back his own tears as Kurt sobbed into his chest.

"H-he made me do…_horrible_ things…" Finn couldn't stop the tears now, and his cheeks were soaked as he pressed his face into Kurt's hair.

Kurt hiccupped, unable to stop the words flowing from his mouth. "It's been happening…for a while…before glee club…since he came back…but he's become so _evil_…before, I could stand it, I could _suck it up_ and be strong…but now…"

The boy's slender hand had gripped onto Finn's thigh, kneading the muscle in anxiety. Finn took his hand gently, squeezing it.

"All those times I was late coming home, or missing from lunch…he'd force me into his office, threatening to hurt you or Mercedes or Quinn or the other glee kids if I didn't do what he said…he'd push me onto his desk, kick me, tie my hands together, gag me…and he _liked_ it."

Finn felt bile rising in his throat. Suddenly, all of that kinky bondage porn Puck had shown him wasn't hot anymore. Not with this shuddering, broken boy curled in his lap, dying.

"He'd make me do…_things_ to him…things I can't even…" Kurt shivered, and Finn instinctively grabbed a wastebasket for his friend to upchuck in. The small boy released the few contents of his stomach into the trashcan, lips trembling as he pulled away, head falling back against Finn's chest.

"If you don't want to talk anymore-" Finn started, pushing Kurt's hair back from his sweaty forehead.

"No. I need to. I've kept it inside for so long…that is, if you don't mind."

"If it will help you, I'll listen." Kurt nodded, limbs feeling weak as he tried to sit up a little. Finn adjusted, but kept his grip on the boy.

iii.

**There are children whirling laughing**  
_They don't know they should be scared_

"He made me use toys on myself and called me his 'little pet.' He told me I would never find someone to love because I'm a freak and I was lucky to have him. Made me promise not to tell anyone, or he'd do these _things_ to other kids, friends of mine. Talked about having his way with Quinn, forcing Brittany to play with his 'toys,' doing horrible, horrible things to Artie…then he threatened Mercedes, giving her the _discipline_ she deserved. I gave in. I couldn't let him near Mercedes. Never…

"So I did whatever he told me. Called him _master_, let him touch me, tie me up, hit me, cut me…I can't even…"

"You can talk about it. If you need to." Finn nodded, but Kurt couldn't help but notice the green tinge in his cheeks.

"No, you're repulsed. I'll stop. It's reasonable."

"No, Kurt, really. Talk."

"He made me blow him. That was the first time I ever truly wanted to die. It was so horrible…and I was just a freshman at the time. I wasn't ready to tell people I was gay. But being forced into that…I almost wanted to be straight. I just thought, if I weren't some pansy little fag, he wouldn't have singled me out."

"Don't say that!" Finn looked at him hard, frowning. "Don't call yourself that."

Kurt continued without acknowledging Finn's interruption. "But it didn't get worse until a couple of weeks ago. He…he said it was time to 'change things up.' He was tired of 'playing around'…that sick _bastard_. He…he…"

"Kurt…?" Finn stroked his back as the boy's tears came back.

"He penetrated me."

And that was the end of Kurt's storytelling. The coughing and the sobs and choking came at once, and it was all Finn could do not to bawl on their bedroom floor.

iv.

**Give me that hope**  
_Give me time to love_

Finn scooped Kurt up, carrying him to the bed. The smaller boy didn't say anything, too wrapped up in his trauma. Finn never let go of his friend, until they were both under the covers, Kurt's face pressed against Finn's shoulder.

"My mom always says beds are safe places. It's where we hide from monsters and stay closed to loved ones. Does this weird you out?"

"A little. But I don't care."

"We're going to the police station tomorrow morning. I refuse to let this go on any further."

Kurt paled. "B-but he'll hurt Mercedes! And you and Dad and Carole-"

Finn covered the boy's mouth. "He won't. He can't hurt you anymore."

The small boy shivered, burying his head into the larger boy's chest. "I feel so dirty. Everyone will know and see how dirty and freakish I am and the whispers will never stop…"

Finn rested his cheek on Kurt's head. "You're not dirty or freakish. That's _Ryerson_. He'll go to jail and, yes, people will talk, but that's never stopped you before. Your friends in glee club, we'll keep you safe and heal you and you'll never feel this way again."

v.  
**All I can do, all I can say**  
_I'll keep you safely in my arms_

"Finn…"

But Kurt never finished his sentence. Suddenly, quietly, Finn's lips met his. He was gentle at first, barely grazing the slender boy's mouth, testing his boundaries. When Kurt didn't fight it, he pressed harder, as one would press a finger to a thin pane of glass.

They were done talking for the night. It was settled that Finn had won and Sandy Ryerson would never know the taste of freedom or power again. Kurt tentatively brushed his hands across Finn's cheeks, up into his hair, then kissed his almost-stepbrother, his friend, his love.

Finn kissed back cautiously, rubbing his thumbs against Kurt's bony shoulders. Their legs tangled under the covers as their tongues danced together, warm and comforting. They molded into one, big body enveloping small body.

vi.

**And close your ears to not hear harm**  
_I'll sing to you_

The moon rose high in the air, watching as Finn held a sleeping Kurt, keeping him safe through the night. A soft song drifted from the room, fading away as Finn, too, closed his eyes into a peaceful oblivion._  
_


End file.
